5 points of inspiration I'm taking from a Feminist Manifesto for 2021
What have you reread recently that came to mean something fresh and new to you? Over holiday break, I re-visited the short but punchy Dear Ijeawele, or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions and WOW.
If you've not read this short work by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie and think about what it is like to be and raise a strong woman, you should give yourself the gift of diving in. In fact, you can even read her original Facebook post here which is essentially a transcribed letter to a friend asking for advice on raising her newborn daughter (tiny Chizalum) as a feminist.
In the past, I approached this piece purely as a mother seeking pearls of wisdom in rearing a grounded and in-her-power young woman. This year I read it for me - a woman looking for inspiration from other strong women. And I got it.
The points that inspire
Adichie offers 15 points in her feminist manifesto, but these are the 5 that are resonating with me as both a human and a mama this year. What are yours?
#1 Be a full person.
Motherhood is a glorious gift, but do not define yourself solely by motherhood. Be a full person. Your child will benefit from that.
Sometimes we get locked into limited roles without even meaning to—there are times when circumstances push us to be a hardworking employee at a challenging job, a caregiver, a spouse or a mother first and foremost. But what happens when our other selves are pushed to the side?
When our responsibilities are great and our passion high, it’s so easy to lose sight of our complete person. But making room for the richness of our total and full selves, even in small ways, empowers us to be better _______ and stronger ______.
Treat your life like a resume - always working to be well rounded and voraciously seeking new experiences that speak to the different facets of you. The better the full you is, the better each little piece of you functions.
#5 Teach her to read.
Books will help her understand and question the world, help her express herself, and help her in whatever she wants to become – a chef, a scientist, a singer all benefit from the skills that reading brings.
The more you read, the better a reader you become and the more you understand what you should be reading and learning more about. Even as adults, we can teach ourselves how to read (better). Mapping out our reading lists more thoughtfully, pushing ourselves to take our time with difficult texts and finding our marginalia groove.
I love having a family culture of books at home. I’m that friend who seeks the bookshelves in friends’ homes because I love knowing what makes them happy, what teaches them how to look at life and what I want to loan/borrow. Books are teachers, they are friends, they are mentors. In my mind, everyone should have more books, we should all go to the library a whole lot more (virtual or otherwise) and every adult should re-learn how to read.
#6 Teach her to question language.
Language is the repository of our prejudices, our beliefs, our assumptions. But to teach her that, you will have to question your own language... Try not to use words like ‘misogyny’ and ‘patriarchy’ too often with Chizalum. We Feminists can sometimes be too jargony, and jargon can sometimes feel too abstract. Don’t just label something misogynistic, tell her why it is, and tell her what would make it not be.
This is my year of questioning language and other symbolic systems that transmit our culture—it’s already super uncomfortable and that’s what I’m going for. I recently wrote about the importance of avoiding labeling everything broken in our society and I’m trying to think of other labels I sloppily slap onto Big Problems that keep me from seeing what’s really happening and what I can do about it.
Likewise, I want to be doubly sure that the language I’m using is as inclusive as possible. If I’m worried about X doing Y, I want to make sure that X is easily understood by and relatable to the community it affects. Not, of course, because anyone lacks the intelligence to grasp the concept. But because making the language we use more relatable and closer to a real-life application means cutting down the bullshit faster and rolling up our sleeves to get work done. We’re not here to be fancy, we’re here to work.
#14 In teaching her about oppression, be careful not to turn the oppressed into saints.
Saintliness is not a pre-requisite for dignity. People who are unkind and dishonest are still human, and still deserve dignity. Property rights for rural Nigerian women, for example, is a major feminist issue, and the women do not need to be good and angelic to be allowed their property rights.
This is a SUPER interesting idea that many of us struggle with subconsciously. The idea that those who ‘deserve’ to be fought for need to display some pre-agreed upon level of sanctity and perfection in their lives. Or, perhaps, should be of a certain religion and worship in a certain way, be a member of a certain social class (or want to be), make certain life decisions we deem appropriate (no drug usage, seem “nice”, dress “well” but not “too well”), have no children “out of wedlock” (blech, don’t get me started), etc.
Examples that come to mind (I’m sure you have 17+ more of your own), we see this thinking:
In the vilification of members of the Black community after a police shooting. Officials and the media seem desperate to dig up ‘dirt’ on a murder victim to prove how in some twisted way they were less deserving of life because of a 30-year-old drug charge, a gang affiliation or the contents of their pockets.
In how we treat sexual assault victims. We watch news of white male perpetrators from “good” backgrounds being perceived to have so much ahead of them in life, why destroy that potential because of one bad decision? Cough. While many, many, oh-so-many women who have been assaulted and have had the courage to step forward watch as their lives are combed out and examined/judged/re-assaulted strand by strand by strand. If only they didn’t drink so much, if only they didn’t have the gall of attending a party late at night, if only they didn’t come from a “broken home”.
In our collective awareness of and response to terrorist attacks or natural disasters in nations or communities that we do not consider our own.
Humans are humans are humans are humans. No matter what neighborhood they hail from, what level of education they completed, what hobbies they have or how much they remind us of someone we would want to hang out with. We all deserve the same essential rights and dignity.
#15 Teach her about difference.
Teach her about difference. Make difference ordinary. Make difference normal. Teach her not to attach value to difference. And the reason for this is not to be fair or to be nice but merely to be human and practical. Because difference is the reality of our world. And by teaching her about difference, you are equipping her to survive in a diverse world.
In a world full of boring Diversity + Inclusion corporate training, the reality of real-life diversity is so much more compelling and delightful…. and wholly overwhelming and often scary without active internal correction.
What I want is to reset my thinking to not refer back to my reptilian brain when encountering Something Different. I don’t want to be on a mental high alert when encountering something new or unknown in thinking, in person, in cultural display.
Different is not a hungry tiger waiting to pounce on me in the wilderness. It just is. And it is everywhere. And everywhere is where I want to be (because my life is a Visa card slogan, apparently) so let’s get this thinking in order.
One more for your reading list: We Should All Be Feminists
As an addition to your reading list, I encourage you to check out an equally powerful but bite-sized work by Adichie, We Should All Be Feminists which was based on her incredible TED talk. I could watch and re-watch this video for hours. She’s strong, completely herself and radiates something unique and important.
